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Sad = Garden (Absurd Russian 22)

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High upon a jagged, wind-swept crag overlooking a desolate valley stood the obsidian fortress of a remarkably wicked ruler. Having inherited the crown from her father at an uncommonly tender age, she had absorbed the cruel lessons of absolute power before she had even learned the gentle ones of compassion. Tyranny in her domain was not merely a system of governance; it was the very air the populace breathed. With an iron fist and a cold heart, one of her earliest official acts as a young queen was to breathe new life into the subterranean depths of her castle, reinstating the heavy oak doors, rusty chains, and iron-spiked instruments of the dungeon’s torture chamber.

Yet, human nature is a tapestry of baffling contradictions. The very second thing the wicked queen did upon seizing power was to construct a masterpiece of botanical wonder: a sprawling, intensely vibrant private sad—which, in the local Russian tongue, translates directly to garden. She lavished a staggering fortune upon this sanctuary, ruthlessly diverting the entirety of the kingdom’s tax surplus to build an elaborate, gravity-defying network of stone aqueducts and subterranean irrigation pipes.

While this lush paradise flourished behind towering stone walls, the reality beyond was starkly different. A brutal, sustained winter frost had descended upon the valley, locking the soil in a permanent permafrost and destroying the villagers' crops down to the root. Thousands of peasants starved in their freezing hovels, chewing on frozen bark and praying for a mercy that never came from the throne. Yet, inside her perimeter walls, the wicked queen remained completely untouched by the suffering. Her sad was an absolute oasis of blooming orchids, cascading ivy, and singing nightingales.

Resentment among the starving peasantry soon boiled over into a seething, desperate hatred. They wished every conceivable plague upon the tyrant, lamenting the fact that her beloved sad thrived while their children withered away. Realizing that direct military rebellion was suicide against her heavily armed guards, the village elders devised an elaborate, psychological plot: they would infiltrate the castle by making the queen fall desperately in love, and then use her new lover as a covert agent to burn her prized sanctuary to the ground.

The execution of the plan proved shockingly effortless. The villagers scoured the countryside until they found a young man whose charm was legendary—a commoner so dazzlingly handsome that local folklore claimed he could make a stone wall fall in love with him just by leaning against it. They dressed him in borrowed velvet, draped a faux-ermine cloak over his shoulders, and dispatched him to the palace gates bearing a massive bouquet of frost-kissed white roses.

The queen, despite her cruelty, was a remarkably simple creature at heart, entirely unaccustomed to genuine warmth or romantic pursuit. Overwhelmed by this sudden onslaught of courtly affection from the striking "prince," her defenses crumbled instantly. Because love is famously blind, she completely failed to see the deception, bathing in the rare glow of adoration.

Invited into the inner sanctum, the handsome youth was led directly into the queen's sad—the very heart of her joy. But as he walked beneath the fragrant arches of blooming jasmine, something unexpected happened. Beneath his charming exterior, the young man possessed a remarkably soft heart. As he looked at the queen—who gazed upon him with utter, vulnerable devotion—he realized the tragic truth of her existence. She had been raised in gilded isolation, shielded from the cries of the starving peasants, entirely ignorant of the blood on her hands. He reasoned that if she had grown up among ordinary people in the town, she would have developed an entirely different soul.

Standing beside a murmuring fountain in the sad, the handsome commoner looked at the queen and knew he could not bring himself to ruin her. To destroy this botanical haven would shatter her heart entirely. And so, when he slipped back out of the castle under the cover of dusk, he returned to the waiting villagers entirely empty-handed, flatly refusing to carry out the arson.

Furious outrage erupted among the elders.

"You felt sorry for her?" an elder snarled, his eyes wide with disbelief. "Did you feel sorry for the way she starved thousands of our families? Or perhaps you sympathized with how she tortures anyone who dares question her rule?"

Despite the villagers' intense disappointment, the handsome youth remained completely unyielding, convinced that beneath her tyrannical armor, the queen possessed a redeemable soul that he refused to break.

Recognizing that their puppet had failed them, the villagers resolved to take matters into their own hands. A few nights later, under the cover of a moonless sky, a small band of desperate conspirators scaled the palace walls, slipped into the queen’s cherished sad, and set it ablaze.

The queen awoke abruptly to the terrifying roar of crackling flames and the smell of scorched pine and burning petals. Panic-stricken, she threw open her chamber doors as the local fire brigade was frantically summoned. Though the firefighters arrived too late to save the botanical sanctuary, they managed to contain the raging inferno before it leaped the castle walls and consumed the neighboring ancient forest.

From her bedroom window, the queen stood frozen in horror, watching her beloved sad collapse into a blackened, smoking ruin. A heavy, profound wave of grief washed over her; she was genuinely, devastatingly sad. To compound her misery, she noticed that the handsome prince had mysteriously vanished into the night.

Down in the valley, the villagers watched the massive column of smoke billow into the night sky with fierce, malicious delight. The sheer, unadulterated destructiveness of the spectacle exceeded their wildest expectations, offering a fleeting, bitter taste of vengeance.

The following morning, however, the queen awoke to a world devoid of its only beauty, her chest still aching with sorrow over her lost sad. Staring out at the smoking wasteland where her flowers once grew, a cold, dark fury gradually replaced her grief. Seeking an outlet for her bottomless rage, and suspecting nothing of the villagers' covert operation, she decided to burn down their village simply for the sadistic amusement of it, hoping it might distract her from her misery.

Within the hour, she issued the command. Her elite cavalry thundered down from the crag, torching every thatched-roof hut in the valley until the village was reduced to a smoking expanse of ash.

Yet, as the queen rode triumphantly through the burning wreckage of the settlement, a familiar figure suddenly emerged from the smoke. It was the handsome young man, waving his arms desperately and shouting for her to show mercy and spare the remaining peasants.

The queen reined in her horse, studying him with a cold, analytical eye. Realization dawned on her swiftly—he was no prince at all, but a commoner who had lied to her. With a chilling smile, she ordered her guards to torch his particular hut as well. As the flames consumed his meager home, a deep sense of absolute satisfaction settled over her, completing her vengeance.

The next morning, the queen awoke and felt a pang of sadness as she remembered her vanished sad. But as she looked out across the ruined, smoking husk of the village below, her spirits immediately lifted, comforted by the symmetry of the destruction. Though she no longer had much of a village left to govern, she forced the shivering, homeless survivors to march up to the castle daily to perform exhausting menial chores.

Life in the realm settled into a strange, awkward vacuum. There was no longer a magnificent sad, nor was there a functioning village; the entire landscape seemed reduced to a shared pile of ash and rubble. Yet, life persisted in its bizarre, twisted fashion.

In a surprising twist of fate, the evil queen ultimately lived to a remarkably ripe old age, and, in her later years, she actually ended up marrying the handsome young man, formally elevating him to the status of a true prince consort. She truly grew to love him, offering a rare, genuine apology for having burned down his hut all those years ago. Against all odds, the unlikely pair settled into a surprisingly peaceful domestic routine, and for a very long time, neither of them burned down anything at all.